It's Not "Goodbye" If I Just Run Away

I expected my last week as a VISTA would be pretty slow. All my classes and events would be finished and I would just be tying up loose ends. But about a month ago I took on one last big project for my partner at the Computer Training Bridge (a network of free computer classes taught by volunteers). We needed a big volunteer event, and I had the idea to go around and film the volunteer coaches teaching their classes and compile a video. Little did I know, that I would end up with over an hour of footage. After having to start over more than once, hundreds of hours cursing Windows Movie Maker, and endless urges to throw my computer against the wall, I finally finished the videos. That’s right videos. I ended up having to cut the entire ten-minute monster into three parts. But it's done now and I've decided to celebrate by sending one last monster of a post to all of you. Hope you don't mind.

While I was waiting for Windows Movie Maker (it took about twenty minutes every time I had to open the file), I found another laptop and some time to clean out my email and then my computer. I’ve left all the files that might be helpful to someone in the future on a flash drive here in the office. Sustainability in a box, I call it.

So, with most of my loose ends headed towards being tied (there’s still that pesky sustainability report), what am I supposed to feel? I’m sad to be leaving my partner at the Training Bridge and everyone here in the NC office. I’ve met a lot of great people this year and learned more than I could ever list here (not the least of which was using bullet points in long emails). But I’m also excited to go home. I’ve missed my family, friends and boyfriend all year, and there were times I thought about giving up. I’ve never been the type, and I knew if I stayed I would eventually get something out of it. I feel like going home means picking up my “real” life again, getting what my mother calls a “real” job (I start grad school for Library Science in the fall, but what to do in the mean time? Back to the salt mines) and figuring out a new routine. I’m nervous about the change. I suppose that is to be expected.

What I didn’t expect was the feeling of anxiety I’m having now about leaving. What if I leave and everything goes back to how it was before? What if everything I did makes no difference at all? I know that I changed myself and affected people in the community, not the least of which were the kids in my TECA classes and the job seekers at the library. If nothing else, I know I got One Economy’s name circulated – I hope that’s enough. It’s not all my VAD was cracked up to be, but then some things are beyond our control.

I was surprised not long ago, when someone described me as a control freak, but I guess that is just what I am. I can’t stand the idea of leaving and not having any control over what happens next. But the time has come to let go….just, maybe not completely. With that in mind, I want to encourage all of you to contact me if you feel like I might be able to give you advice about your own projects. My new email is mbrasseur19@gmail.com, feel free to keep in touch.

Thank you for all the amazing work you’re doing. Keep it up. Good luck!

Michelle Brasseur